Elevator Pitch No. 2

I received some very good feedback on my elevator pitch No. 1. I agreed with all of it and think that the people who commented had really good ideas for improving my elevator pitch. Some suggested rehearsing the pitch ahead of time and being confident in what I am pitching. So for this elevator pitch what I tried to improve upon was my confidence and not saying too many filler words as well as writing out what I wanted to say so that I knew ahead of time what I was going to be talking about and was less on the spot. I think by doing these things my elevator pitch improved a lot compared to the first one.
Link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofmgqKF0Wns&feature=youtu.be